Challenging Shorts
by Wyzeguy
Summary: Short, funny little fanfics I've written based on opening sentences challenges from the X-Fiction mailing list.
1. Yo Quiero

Title: Yo Quiero  
  
Author: Wyzeguy  
  
Disclaimer: Marvel owns 'em...which is good, because Marvel's good at character revivals.  
Rating: PG (character death, bizarre humor)  
Universe: Ultimate X-Men  
Feedback: Fork it over, Bucko!  
Archive: Uh huh. Just tell me where.  
Summary: "They died instantly..."  
Notes: This is a response to a fan fiction challenge on the X-Fiction email list, challenging writers to write an X-Men fanfic beginning with the sentence, "They died instantly." Since no restrictions were given on length and tone, I came up with this (and had to apologize to a few people afterward). This story takes place following the events in Ultimate X-Men #12, where Rogue and Juggernaut join the Brotherhood of Mutants.  
YO QUIERO  
Wyzeguy  
They died instantly.  
Frederick J. Dukes stared at the fallen, asphyxiated bodies of his fellow Brotherhood members. Pietro, Wanda, Mort, Rogue, Cain, and Jason. They were his friends. And now they were dead. Because of him.  
He looked down at the greasy paper that remained of his Taco Bell chalupa, and clenched it in his chubby fists.  
His heart heavy, he whispered, "but it was just a little gas...."  
END 


	2. A Man's Man

Title: A Man's Man  
  
Author: Wyzeguy  
  
Email: Wyzeguy79@yahoo.com  
  
Summary: He should have seen it coming...  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Warning: Run while you have the chance!  
  
Archive: Uh huh. Ask first.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters.  
  
Marvel, who does, might be traumatized by this fic.  
  
Notes: This is a response to Khaki's challenge, which  
  
called for writers to post short stories (regardless  
  
of content or mood) beginning with the sentence, "He  
  
should have seen it coming." Once again, my twisted  
  
mind seized the opportunity.  
  
  
  
A MAN'S MAN  
  
Wyzeguy  
  
He should have seen it coming.  
  
That gruff demeanor, the affinity for leather clothing and disdain for shaving should have all been a dead giveaway. Not all of that by itself, but rather the forcefulness by which the image was maintained.  
  
He should have known it was just that: an act.  
  
Now, Scott Summers stood in the bathroom, silent and slackjawed at he sight before him. Words just  
  
couldn't do this justice.  
  
Logan turned from the mirror after applying his lipstick, locked eyes with Scott, and gestured idly to  
  
the lethally red ankle-length dress and black high-heels he wore. "So? C'mon, Summers, answer me:  
  
does this dress make my butt look big or not?"  
  
END 


	3. Payback

E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@yahoo.com  
  
Summary: Deadpool dispenses harsh justice on his  
  
latest victim.  
  
Rating: R (character death, violence)  
  
Feedback & Archive: Let me know how I did with this,  
  
and if you want to archive, ask.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Deadpool. Marvel does.  
  
Notes: This is a response to Khaki's opening sentence challenge: "His blood dripped from the counter like  
  
spilled milk." This was a decidedly tougher challenge than the previous two, but I think it worked. This was also my first-ever attempt at writing Deadpool, so I hope I didn't screw up.  
  
PAYBACK  
  
Wyzeguy  
  
His blood dripped from the counter like spilled milk. His arm hung lifelessly, swinging slightly as he lies  
  
buried face-first in the kitchen sink. Three bullet holes decorated the back of his head. A katana stood  
  
straight up from his back like a victorious mountain climber's flag.  
  
The assassin known as Deadpool admired his handiwork, pulling out the sword and gazing at the freshly-slain victim. "Shame on you for not having a garbage disposal," he scolded the corpse. "I could've had so  
  
much more fun with your face. Not that I didn't have fun, 'cause it's always hilarious when people scream  
  
like a girl and run. And you? Well, you must've been a schoolgirl or Michael Jackson in a former life, 'cause your screaming voice was worthy of a B-movie. You should've been in a choir, y'know that?"  
  
Wade Wilson continued rambling for some time. He cleaned the blood off his blade with a damp cloth,  
  
then resheathed the katana. The assassin turned toward the door, casting one last look at his target.  
  
"Put ME into a slashfic, will ya...? And with Sabretooth, no less...that's just wrong..." 


	4. Road Trippage

Title: Road Trippage Author: Wyzeguy E-mail: Wyzeguy79@yahoo.com Universe: Movieverse Rating: Somewhere between PG-13 and R, I guess. Pairing: Hee hee. You'll see. Warnings: Adult situations, deliberate squick-point Notes: This is in a similar vein as my other responses to an opening sentence challenge, in that it's short and as humorously bizarre as I can make it. A specific fanfic writer will be mentioned herein, and I hope she doesn't kill me for this. Dedications: to Tarch for throwing out the sentence, and to...heh. I've said too much already. devious grin  
  
ROAD TRIPPAGE Wyzeguy  
  
The road from New York City to Salem Center had never seemed this long before.  
  
Logan reflected on this as he scratched the hairs on the back of his neck as he drove. He then turned up the volume on the radio -- playing a Led Zeppelin song -- to drown out the noises coming from the back seat. He hated even being a party to this, but he was elected chauffer, and there was no getting out of it now.  
  
Still, that didn't mean he had to enjoy it. Turning to the back seat briefly, she shouted, "hey! Will you two quit makin' out in the back seat!"  
  
Scott Summers and Kitty Pryde stopped what they were doing and glanced back at Logan. "Just drive," Scott replied, then went back to nibbling on his female student's neck while his hands continued to unbutton her blouse. Kitty made pleasant noises and tugged at Mr. Summers' sweater.  
  
Logan grew even more annoyed. "Dammit! Why the hell are you two doing that, anyway?"  
  
Kitty shrugged and grinned, her expression somewhere between sweet and devilish. "We're trying to squick out Min!"  
  
Logan quirked an eyebrow as he watched them in the rearview mirror. "Minisinoo, right?"  
  
"Yeah. It was ... oooh! It was Wyze's idea. He's the writer, y'know."  
  
Logan shook his head and watched as the fourth wall lay broken in the middle of the highway some distance back. A few other cars ran over it. He glanced back up at the rearview mirror, and saw Scott toss Kitty's blouse aside and work on her bra. "So what if this bright idea doesn't work?"  
  
Scott unhooked the bra with nimble fingers. "Well, we could always use 'said-bookisms'," he smirked.  
  
FIN  
  
(The Minisinoo mentioned here is a fanfic author and friend of mine. Kudos to her for being cool with this.) 


	5. Dare to be a Virgin

Title: Dare to be a Virgin   
Author: Wyzeguy   
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@yahoo.com   
Summary: The X-Men engage in a not-so innocent game of Truth-or-Dare   
Universe: Ultimate X-Men   
Rating: PG-13   
Feedback & Archive: Let me know if you liked this, and if you're going to achive it somewhere. I'll let ya.  
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters herein, nor am I making money.   
Warnings: Semi-adult discussion between people in their late teens.   
Notes: This is a response to Eiluned's 50-word challenge to come up with a story starting with, "Holy shit, you're a virgin." In exactly 50 words (not counting articles like "a" and "the"), no less. Not easy to do, but fun to write.   
  
  
DARE TO BE A VIRGIN   
Wyzeguy   
  
"Holy shit, you're a virgin." Snickering erupts from the outburst.   
  
Scott rolls his eyes behind ruby quartz. "Yeah, Storm; big deal. You asked. Now, my turn: Truth or Dare?"  
  
Ororo frowns, glancing at the other X-Men. "Like I'm gonna spill my guts. Dare."   
  
Scott grins, anticipating that. "Excellent. I dare you to cut your hair into a mohawk."   
  
"What?!" 


	6. First Timers

Title: First Timers  
Author: Wyzeguy   
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@yahoo.com   
Summary: An unlikely couple prepares to go all the way.   
Universe: X-Men Evolution Rating: R   
Feedback: By all means. Feedback is the only compensation I get for this.   
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Marvel does. I think I'm going to cry.   
Warnings: Adult subject matter for the first one. Notes: This is a response to Eiluned's 50-word challenge starting with the phrase, "I've never done this before."   
  
FIRST TIMERS   
Wyzeguy   
  
  
"I've never done this before." Jean Grey bit her lip nervously, looking up as she lay on the bed.   
  
"Me neither," Fred Dukes whispered as he finished sliding her pink panties down her long legs. He prepared to enter her. "I'll try to be gentle."   
  
Scott Summers woke up screaming. 


	7. Like the Deserts Miss the Rain

Title: Like the Deserts Miss the Rain   
Author: Wyzeguy   
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@yahoo.com   
Summary: Long distance relationships are redefined over the Internet.   
Universe: X-Men Evolution   
Rating: G   
Feedback: By all means. Feedback is the only compensation I get for this.   
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters. Marvel does. I think I'm going to cry.   
Warnings: None. Notes: This is a response to Eiluned's 50-word challenge starting with the phrase, "I miss you."   
  
  
LIKE THE DESERTS MISS THE RAIN   
Wyzeguy   
  
  
"I miss you."   
  
"I miss you more." Followed by a colon and a capital X, signifying an Internet kiss.   
  
His fingers continued typing. "I love you."   
  
"I love you more" was her response.   
  
"No way."   
  
"Yes way."   
  
"Kurt, Kitty, for the love of . . ." Logan complained as he looked over his young students' shoulders. "You're sittin' right next to each other!" 


	8. Bumper to Bumper

Titles: Bumper to Bumper  
Author: Wyzeguy  
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@y...  
Summary: Fun with bumper stickers.   
Rating: PG   
Universe: Movieverse  
Disclaimer: Marvel owns the characters, while all I  
got was this stupid t-shirt.  
Feedback and Archive: Yes, to both.  
Warnings: None, except you might want to rethink  
drinking anything while reading this.  
Notes: Based on another of Eiluned's 50-word  
challenges, beginning with "Kinky is using a feather.   
Perverted is using the whole chicken."   
  
  
  
BUMPER TO BUMPER  
Wyzeguy  
  
"'Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the  
whole chicken.'"   
  
"'Discourage imbreeding: ban country music.'"   
  
"'Horn broken; watch for finger.'"   
  
"'Comedians do it standing up.'"   
  
"Jubilee, John . . . are you done quoting bumper  
stickers to each other? I am trying to teach a class  
here."   
  
"Sorry, Miss Monroe," in unison.   
  
Ororo turned back to the board and muttered a bumper  
sticker quote about reinstating the death penalty. 


	9. Handiwork

Titles: Handiwork  
Author: Wyzeguy  
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@y...  
Summary: Handiwork: Taking out a Sentinel the creative way.  
Rating: PG   
Universe: Comicverse  
Disclaimer: Marvel owns the characters, while all I  
got was this stupid t-shirt.  
Feedback and Archive: Yes, to both.  
Warnings: None, except you might want to rethink  
drinking anything while reading these.  
Notes: Based on another of Eiluned's 50-word  
challenges, beginning with "Wow,  
that's a big one."  
  
  
  
HANDIWORK  
Wyzeguy  
  
"Wow, that's a big one."   
  
Cyclops nodded at Iceman's observation as he studied  
the towering Sentinel, the last and largest in a squad  
of twenty. "Yeah, but it's not hard to take down."   
  
A high-impact optic blast sent the robot to the  
pavement. Cyclops adjusted his beam to carve  
low-impact lines into it.  
  
"Now what are you doing?" Jean asked, walking to them  
while favoring her injured left shoulder.  
  
"Signing my work." 


	10. Tourist Trap

Title: Tourist Trap  
Author: Wyzeguy  
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@y...  
Universe: Exiles  
Pairing: Blink/Mimic  
Rating: PG  
Feedback an' Archive: If you love it, and/or you want to archive it,   
let me know. I'm dyin' to hear from you.  
Disclaimer: Marvel owns every last character. I own zilch, but   
luckily no money is being made.  
Warnings: Uh, well, there's flirting and that's about it.   
Notes: This story is a response to Eiluned's third 50-word   
challenge, which pitched the sentence, "If you'd stop wiggling, I   
wouldn't have this problem."   
Dedication: To perch_and_creep, the cutest muse this side of any side.  
  
  
  
TOURIST TRAP  
Wyzeguy  
  
"If you'd stop wiggling, I wouldn't have this problem."   
  
"I can't help it," Clarice Ferguson stated, "I'm just too excited.   
I've never seen one before. It's so cute."  
  
"Cute?" Calvin Rankin queried with a raised blond eyebrow at his   
purple girlfriend's antics.  
  
"Yes. I just want to give it a big hug and stroke it and sing to   
it. Why? Does that make me weird?"  
  
"No, that makes you a tourist. It's just a cow, Blink." 


	11. Fashion Show

Title: Fashion Show  
Author: Wyzeguy  
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@y...  
Universe: X-Men Comicverse   
Pairing: Wolverine/Storm  
Rating: PG  
Feedback an' Archive: If you love it, and/or you want to archive it,   
let me know. I'm dyin' to hear from you.  
Disclaimer: Marvel owns every last character. I own zilch, but   
luckily no money is being made.  
Warnings: Uh, well, there's flirting and that's about it.   
Notes: These stories are responses to Eiluned's third 50-word   
challenge, which pitched the sentence, "You look damn good in that dress".  
Dedication: To perch_and_creep, the cutest muse this side of any side.  
  
  
  
FASHION SHOW  
Wyzeguy  
  
"You look damn good in that dress."   
  
"You like it?" Ororo asked, twisting her hips to cause her black silk   
dress to spin around her legs for the benefit of Logan's eyes.   
  
His eyes gazed across her every curve. "Yeah . . . but I've seen all   
kinds of dresses, darlin'. I've only seen one o' you."  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck. "And one is enough?"  
  
Their lips met. "One's all I need, darlin'." 


	12. Galloping Gourmet

Titles: Galloping Gourmet  
Author: Wyzeguy  
E-Mail: Wyzeguy79@y...  
Universe: Generation X comicverse  
Pairings: Jubilee/Synch  
Rating: PG  
Feedback an' Archive: If you love it, and/or you want to archive it,   
let me know. I'm dyin' to hear from you.  
Disclaimer: Marvel owns every last character. I own zilch, but   
luckily no money is being made.  
Warnings: Uh, well, there's flirting and that's about it.   
Notes: This is a response to Eiluned's third 50-word   
challenge, "I'm never eating that again." (In case you're wondering by now, Eil tossed out three sentences as a time. I answered all three.)  
Dedication: To perch_and_creep, the cutest muse this side of any side.  
  
  
  
GALLOPING GOURMET  
Wyze  
  
"I'm never eating that again."   
  
Jubilee whapped Everett on the head with a couch pillow. "Oh, quit   
whining, ya wussy. It wasn't that bad, was it?"   
  
"Well . . . it had its moments."   
  
Jubilee stared him right in the face. "Fine, I'm never cooking for   
you again." She stuck her tongue out.   
  
He caught her tongue and sucked on it, and she forgot the   
conversation entirely. 


End file.
